This came into work today. I shortlisted it and displayed it on my cafe counter.
The back said something like “He is into BDSM. (Batman, Dragons, Star Wars, and Magic the Gathering).”
The first paragraph starts like this:“I growl with frustration at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is fifty shades of messed up. Why is it so kinky and out of control? I need to stop sleeping with it wet. As I brush my long brown hair, the girl in the mirror brown eyes too big for her, stares back at me. Wait… my eyes are blue! It dawns on me that I haven’t been looking in the mirror—I’ve been staring at a poster of Kirsten Stewart for the past five minutes. My own hair is fine.”
my own hair is fine
oh my god where can i buy this
I have read this book and I assure you it is literary gold.
Why was Hitler hit with a baseball?
because he was a fucking racist, sexist and homophobic nationalistic douchebag
no because he did nazi it coming
Craig Ferguson: Natalie and Sophie, are you jealous of the swordplay? Do you ever wish you could get a little more in the way of kind of brutal killing action going on? [x]
SAMUEL L JACKSON IS WATCHING YOU
Wolverine had a great Easter this year. [x]
Oh ymg od yes
CALM DOWN THERE PECTORALS,
this might be one of the best things ive ever seen bless
Appropriate response to everything Peeta Mellark does in the entire series.
this is the most adorable thing i have ever seen
”I’m determined to be taller than you are”
determination will get you anywhere
it’s hermione fucking granger what did you expect
Take note: this is how to properly disarm someone. Always go to the outside of the arm, not the inside.
ah yes I have been doing it wrong the whole time it seems cowering in fear was not the first step
I usually hate writing on posts but I’ve been studying for karate for the past few weeks/days/hours for my big test which is why it seems to be all I’m talking about, so you get more on this lucky followers and I can call it studying
When disarming someone of any weapon (gun, club/baseball bat, knife, etc), there are three things to remember, and they can be summed up in the acronym ACD:
1.) Avoid the weapon
This one may seem really obvious, but it’s incredibly necessary. See how the guy sidesteps the gun first? If he was to go straight into the attacker, the attacker would still have the ability to shoot him. If he’s off to the side and behind the attacker, there’s much less of a chance (if a chance at all) that the attacker will be able to shoot/stab/beat the victim. Every weapon is different. A gun to the temple is different from a knife stabbing motion towards your gut. With the first, you’d want to bat it out of the way and step to the outside of the arm. With the second, you’d be better off either stepping to the side or shooting your legs and stomach back and bringing your wrists (crossed over each other) down on the attacker’s wrist. Clubs are a bit different. I would suggest dodging the first swing until their arm has crossed their body, then stepping to the outside of the arm and throwing up your arms to block along the wrist and elbow or the pressure point between the bicep and tricep.
In short, as long as you can get out of the way of the weapon, you’re safe to either finish them off or escape, though I would suggest following through and finishing them off.
2.) Control the weapon and attacker
When the guy above locks the attacker’s elbow out and drops him to the ground, that is controlling the weapon. The technique you can see is actually rather basic, if you break it down. I’m going to break this one up into multiple paragraphs because it’s the most complicated, so brace yourselves
A gun is the hardest to control. The good news is, most people who will hold a gun to you on the street are either scared or morons. This means they’ll hold it with one hand, which is a weak grip. The bad news is that most people who will hold a gun to you on the street are either scared or morons. This means they’ll keep the finger on the trigger of the gun rather than leaving it outside the guard until they intend to shoot. Because of this, you’ll have to be careful not to twist their wrist too much, or be certain you’re out of the way of a bullet if you do. For any gun defense, I would suggest attacking the elbow and the knee. Attack the elbow first, then the knee, however. The second half of his takedown is much more complicated, but the first half is basic enough. Lock the elbow by using either your other forearm (the one of the arm not holding onto the attacker’s wrist now that you’ve blocked the weapon), or something like a hipbone. If you use your forearm, press forward and kick out their knee with a low sidekick. Chances are, they’ll fall to the ground, with you on top.
With knives, there are really only two motions- a slash and a stab. A slash is nice because if you can jump back in time, you can catch their arm as they swing back (which they will, as momentum across the body will transfer and swing the arm back across to it’s “normal side”). Your takedown options from there are very similar to the gun defense ones listed above then. With a stab, we’ve already discussed shooting back and blocking the attack with a cross block. From there, you can either still pass it off to the side as discussed above and keep one hand on the attacker’s hand, or you can circle it. To circle, you would straighten up and bring your arms above you around in a big circular motion, holding onto the attacker’s arm the entire time. At the top of your circle, switch so one hand is holding the outside of the hand of the attacker and the other is pressing down on the attacker’s elbow. This will lock their elbow up and force them to bend over, giving you plenty of opportunity to knee them in the ribs/face/nuts/etc.
Clubs are simultaneously the easiest and hardest to defend. Because they’re heavy and a dumb attacker will likely swing with one hand, you can easily dodge the first and sidestep the second like a knife slash, but be wary of the extra weight adding to momentum. A two handed attack is much more difficult and stronger, but will likely be coming from above. Instead of stepping back to avoid this one, step in towards the person. Then, you can defend with a knee to the balls or a side/back kick to the knees.
The most important thing about this step is to not only control the attacker’s arm, but have complete control of the weapon itself. Know which way it is pointing, know where it is in relation to your body, know how strong a grip your attacker has on it. These are all very important to the next step. Also, keep a hand on the attacker’s weapon hand at all times to make sure it doesn’t get too close to you. Make sure this hand is somewhere around their wrist or even thumb area, as this will make the final step much easer.
3.) Disarm your attacker
This is the final, vital step to safely defending yourself against a weapon attack. If your attacker still has the weapon in their possession, there is nothing to stop them from attacking you again, so you want to make sure you take the weapon with you when you book it from the scene of the attack.
A gun is the weapon that it’s most important to be careful with, especially for someone with little to no experience handling the weapon. If the safety is off, the gun could go off at any second, and even if you think it’s not, assume it is and act like it. Better to be safe than sorry.
The technique above is a wrist lock that causes the attacker to let go, but I have another, easier one. First, make a fist with one hand and squeeze just under your knuckles with the other. See how your fist opens up? I once called this the “jelly fist” technique in a class as a joke, but the name has stuck with me. What you’re doing is pushing the bones of the hand together. Done with enough force, this can be very painful, and will loosen an attacker’s grip on the weapon easily. However, this technique can also be difficult if someone has a drastically stronger grip than you do, as they will be able to resist your squeezing.
in those situations, you can continue to press down on their elbow if you’re on the outside of their arm until you walk them into the ground, but keep their hand in the air. Walk it backwards, towards them, and they’ll cry out in pain. Trust me, that’s not fun. Distracted, their grip will likely loosen.
For the circle techniques, as you’re circling, slide your hands down so that you line up your two thumbs between the skin of the attacker’s thumb and first finger, like you’re texting. Their hand should be pointed up. Push down and backwards on their hand,towards the outside (not towards their body). This is another basic wrist lock that will get them to release the weapon.
OTHER STUFF YOU MAY WANT
Make sure you are in control of the weapon before trying to leave the scene, and never turn your back on an attacker that is still able to attack you. Be safe, be aware of your surroundings, and shout as you defend. It’ll scare your opponent and throw them off, and distraction is always an advantage. You can literally yell anything. We did an exercise with this once, and the first thing out of my friend’s mouth was “I REALLY REALLY LIKE WAFFLES,” and another’s was “SO HOW’S THE WEATHER TODAY?” Another example was even “I JUST REALLY WANT TO GO TO DISNEYLAND.” Anything that will throw an opponent off works. You’ll have time to be embarrassed about whatever High School Musical line comes out after you’re away, but in the moment, scream the first thing that comes to your head.
If you read all that, god bless.
If you have any fixes, please don’t be afraid to add them or message me, as I’m constantly learning from my mistakes.
you’re the most beautiful person i’ve ever seen, and no i’m not saying that because we’re right next to McDonald’s and i’m out of money
filling a bathtub with the substance, throwing the person you hate the most in the tub and throwing the ice cube in the tub right after …. it would be over
such evil minds in this place
i love this evilness
Nah, don’t just throw it in you gotta flick it dramatically over your shoulder without looking as you walk away, preferably with a darkly humorous one-liner.
"The cold never bothered me anyway"